volare

hayao miyazaki’s films always leave me with this bittersweet and longing feeling…

baby steps

Senioritis is hitting me so badly. I don’t do homework. I go to first period 35 minutes late on purpose because I hate English. I skip school because I don’t feel like going. I fail my past two exams because I don’t study. I slept at 9PM yesterday because I didn’t want to do anything. Well that isn’t so bad though… I just… feel like I’ll bomb all my APs and finals.

I want to graduate already. I want to go to Singapore already. I want to go to college already. I want to move out already.

And when all that happens I’ll want to move back home because I can’t do my laundry in the basement with the rats D:

I want that…

koreanaddictproblems:

I love the bromance that goes on in this show. That is the reason I continued to watch it. They had a sweet friendship. I really want that type of friendship one day where I can know that my friends will always be there by my side, even if we fight or argue. I want a group of close friends that I would die for and that would die for me too. Okay, my cheesy sentimental stuff is over but that is why I really liked this show. I think I was able to connect to it more than anything else.

Buffalo!

Day 1, Departure - 3:00 PM.
We stopped by a supermarket to get some snacks because I am a huge fatass. Plus, what’s a trip with an eight hour bus ride without snacks? :)

Then came the train, and the long walk to Allen Street for the bus to Buffalo. I had no idea there were THAT many buses to those many places! This lady came, asking everyone on the street for something to eat/drink. She came up to me, asking why she was being punished with cancer when she believed in God. She asked me to help her get food, and kept repeating that she had cancer and that she believed in God. The funny thing was, was that she was smoking. She asked me what she should do (of course, most likely a rhetorical question) and I bluntly replied “stop smoking”. I think she ignored me.

In any case - we got on the bus and we were assigned seats 1 and 2. :) The first two seats! The bus ride was okay, except for the horrid traffic for the first 40 minutes while we were still in NY. My ass became a bit numb, but that’s beside the point. When we nearly arrived, sonuvabitch behind me started to kick my seat. Ugh. That’s beside the point too.

In any case! I arrived in Buffalo at around 12:30 AM. I did not sleep a wink at all, for some reason. Oh, did I mention that one side of my earphone broke because I dropped it on the floor? Cheap piece of shit. But that’s okay. I still had the right side.

My sister picked us up (thank goodness she drives) and we headed to Walmart because sister #2 forgot to bring toothbrushes. Afterwards, we went to wegman’s to buy some sushi! It was 2AM by the time we arrived at sister #1’s place.

That was also where I was reunited with these two monsters: Kuro and Tiffy. Kuro became huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge! Tiffy got a bit fat. Honestly her boyfriend’s apartment was like a zoo - a turtle in one corner, a guinea pig (aka the rat) in another, a few fishes along one wall and two dogs running around like crazy.

Day 2
Ihop, Coldstone, Red Lobster. My meals of the day :) it is amazingly boring here that the only thing you CAN do is eat. Oh, and if you have enough money, shop. I saw a DSW but too bad I only had 10 bucks… 200 dollars spent eating out… No one walks at all. Everyone drives… So suburban. I like! It’s pretty chilly too.

Day 3
Moving. God how I wished I didn’t have to do anything… But I have no idea how many times I had to get into that car to help move the endless amount of crap coming out of that apartment. Then we went to BJ’s (GOT MY KETTLE CORN THAT I’VE BEEN WANTING) and then Michael’s to buy some yarn. They have everything here!

Day 4
The night was so cold in the new apartment… I nearly died. From the cold and being stepped on by Tiffy. That bitch needs to learn how to not step on people’s hair, godmdndhz. And Kuro needs to learn how to not randomly sit on people while they’re sleeping…

Departure time will be 11PM. I’ll get back to NYC at like 7AM. Oh the horror…

tea

I’m making tea dates with all of my friends who are still going to be in the city. Yay for tea.

As of now I don’t know if going to Macaulay Hunter will be worth it. Maybe my parents will appreciate it, since they’re paying for both my sisters’ grad schools. Or maybe they’ll be like Sam and scream “but you’re going to school with a bunch of dumbasses!!!!”. Every time I talk to her, I waver in my decision…

But there is some truth in what she says - I’ve worked my ass off for four years just to go to a CUNY. But there’s always grad school… I’ve always wanted to go to a traditional college, with a green campus, old structured buildings, an amazing meal plan (goddamnit Tufts) with amazing people & a harry potter-like library. I want traditions like UChicago’s scavenger hunt, or Dartmouth’s freshmen outing…. I want to be able to feel a sense of community. Too bad none of those things can happen at Macaulay, although having a scavenger hunt in Manhattan doesn’t sound too bad.

But for now living in Manhattan, no matter how bad the dorms are (I hope they aren’t that bad…) will be worth it.

:(

hysterie

Sometimes, people make me really upset. Or maybe, it’s just me being tired of the same old people you see every single day. This happened in middle school. This will happen in college. It’s happening now in high school.

1) I love you. Okay, maybe not love, but I don’t hate you. You’re a great friend, you were there for me when I needed you and I was there for you & you’re just amazing. But some of the things you do really piss me off. First off, what gives you the right to say whether or not I can make friends? Just because I don’t party, I don’t drink, I don’t do any of the crazy shit that you do… that doesn’t give you the right to say that I won’t be able to make friends. How can you think that just because you think I don’t go out of my house? Does that automatically makes me a loser, like those people you make fun of when you realize they don’t go to parties even though they’re in college? Not going to parties doesn’t make that person a loser. Who cares if he doesn’t go to parties, as long as he’s doing what he wants - why are you so worried for other people? Why are you so shallow? Why do you care about what other people think? Wait, you don’t. At least not to the extent where you will stop yourself from hooking up with guys at a party. And I do go out. Maybe not every day like you, going out to drink on the weekends. I have friends, I like to go out periodically - I’m not insane over having to spend every single minute of my life with people. I like the silence. I like being able to hear myself think. Not everyone has to surround themselves with friends every single minute of every single day. So why can’t you understand that I’ll be fine in college? Why can’t you stop doubting me and just leave me alone on the subject of going out to parties? Who cares if people in our school don’t know who I am? I don’t like the spotlight. I don’t like people know what I do, why I do it, how I did it… why can’t you just leave that alone? Why do I have to be somebody when I can just be myself?

Secondly… why are you so.. fake? Maybe fake isn’t the right word. It seems too harsh. Maybe you’re just… not truthful. I don’t get how you can just stand there and take everything that’s being said to you, and then come to me the next period and tell me exactly what happened, along with your complaints of the person himself. If you don’t like the person, say so. Why pretend like you’re the closest friends ever and then complain to me, wondering how you even got that close with him? I just don’t understand why you have this unconscious need to be accepted by everyone. Not everyone will like you.

2) There are times when I like you, there are times when I seriously hate you. The little things you do piss me off so much. 1 - can you stop cutting into what people say? Just be patient and wait for them to finish. You’re not going to fucking die if you don’t get your words out in time. They have a thought, let them finish it. You know how irritating it is when you keep cutting into the conversation? 2 - STOP cutting into the conversation. We’re having it for a reason, and why would you just go and bring up a whole new topic, irrelevant to the one we’re talking about? Don’t you have ears? Can’t you see - HEAR - that we’re in the middle of something? 3 - Like I really need to know every detail of your life.

3) You think you’re great, don’t you? Well I think that too. Sometimes. When you’re not on my nerves. You just think you’re so amazing sometimes, that it makes me speechless. Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t - whatever it is, don’t you think you’re going a little overboard? I love how high of a pedal stool you put yourself on. Don’t you ever think that sometimes, you have to look at it from someone else’s perspectives? Don’t you think that sometimes, you should be a bit open-minded? A bit nicer? A bit more sensitive? It’s not like it’ll kill you to be nicer. You won’t die from saying thank you. You’re an open book - when things don’t go your way, I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not something nice. Wouldn’t life be swell if things go your way? Just won’t it? But life isn’t that way. And sometimes you have to accept that people have their own opinions, and they won’t agree with what you think. I know you love submissive people, but nowadays, some people have a brain of their own. 

4) You are ALWAYS asking me why I hate you. Do you really not know? Every time someone isn’t the slightest bit nice to you, you claim that they hate you. Do you have a complex? Did you have a traumatic experience where you think everyone hates you if they roll their eyes at you, if they have an off tone in their voice, or if they just brush you off? Why do you always think that the world revolves around you? Maybe the cashier is having a bad day. Maybe she just doesn’t like the tone of your voice. There are so many fucking factors, so why do you insist that people hate you? Some don’t, but because you keep insisting, they come to hate you.

I am such an angry person.